Saturdaynight Insomnia Theater

[dodd4]

Maxx slipped down the stairs and into the sitting room. he paused and listened...Parents upstairs and asleep...check! snacks...check!  soda....check!
he setteled into the comfy chair aimed the remote and fired up the TV.
then he flipped the channels till he heard "on Saturdaynight Insomnia Theater on Channel 346!"
((so guys any thoughts on what Bad Movie starring our favorite fuzzies
we should put on for young Maxx?))

[Graymane]

The first thing that came onto the TV screen was a stage with crew and a camera, One of the actors of the show, a silver and black tabby male. had on a nice brown suit with a beaten up fedora in his hands he was speaking "Ladies and gentle and those of you that recently got a visit to the vets office, Last week we made a joke that didn't take, and on this show we work to make all the jokes work." The scene shifted slightly to the camera crew "You see, last week the trick camera we rigged didn't blow up. So lets see if it'll go up this time."

That said The Silver Tabby went over t othe camera crew and asked the first person he saw, a solid silver tom, "Think it'll work ?"

"I think so" Replied the cameracat

"This is television, we don't think, we know" Munkus corrected

A heartbeat passed and the cameracat replied "I don't think we know either." That said he yanked the trigger cord and the camera fell apart as Munkus laughed.

As the crew were picking up the pieces Munkus spoke again "And here's the dingaling that built that thing, come on in James" A solid black tomcat entered the stage with his arms and neck in a stock. The audience roared with laughter. Munkus himself nearly broke down as well as he too was laughing.

Finally the shows logo appeared as the theme song began and the voice over proclaimed

"Ladies and Gentlemen
We welcome you to tonights episode of
Saterday Night
Insomnia
THEATRE!!"

The audience clapped as the scene shifted to the title cards, "With Tom Jukes and his Merry Men Band, and guest stars, Vincent Price, Kermit the Frog, And The Muppet Newsman!!" Finally after all the clapping the final titlecard appeared with had Munkus smiling his smiling mug at the camera in a drunken manner "And the star of our show, Munkus!" With a final cresendo of the theme song the TV faded as the sponsers aired.

[dodd4]

(fade in from black to the sound of canned applause)
the scene on the screen showed the interior of a western style saloon,
behind the bar was a grandly proprtioned tuxedo tom his mane pomenaded just so and his whiskers waxed into a proper handle bar. other jellicles were scatered around the set all in aproriate atire from Bomba and Teazer who were laced into dance hall girl outfits to various cow hands, and Stubinz who was dressed as a prospector.

an off key piano rattteled out tinny music that merged with indistinct chatter.
from outside there was the jingle of spurs aproaching...

[Graymane]

With the set on stage and the western saloon all set and ready the sounds of someone galloping was heard from offstage and Munkus yelling "Horsy whoa, horse, stop ya dumb thing, HIT THE FREAKIN' BRAKES ALREADY" There came a sound of a car brakes screeching to a halt and a body sailed across the stage through the fake windows looking out on the 'town' behind the set that was silver and black. It landed with a loud CRASH

Finally stumbling in was Munkus, the aplluasesounded again as he arrived, all beaten up looking he straightened up and grumbled "That's the last time I ever buy a horse from Honest Quaxo... The Used Horse Dealer" He tried not to laugh as he spoke then he brushed himself down. There, all dusted off. Nicely dusted off for that matter and took off something from his belt, a horsetail

[dodd4]

((Bomba & Teazer))
the two queens sashayed across the floor showing a good deal more leg than was period apropriate for even TV westerns. "it's The Siverback Kid," Bomba purred as she started to dust off his shoulders. Teazer went to work on his other side,
and whisperd to him, "who chose the wardrobe fer this balmy skit? oi donn know about tha Queen a Burlesque here but how am oi suposed ta dancelaced up in this bleedin sausage caseing?"

then just as Bustopher The Bartender was about to ask Kid Munkus what his pleasure was, (as if he did'nt already know!) a loud jangling of spurs came from the door.  the bat wing doors swung open to reveal a short very green frog in a white ten gallon hat and big cowboy boots.

Bomba leaned into Munkus and softly said, "Iknow he's short but isin't that a lot of heel for a guy?"

[Graymane]

Munkus swooned as both Teazer and Bomba danced over to him, when Teazer spoke he replied just as softly, "Blame Vicki, she was the one in charge of costumes this week." Though by then it should not have mattered as Amona ambled in, dressed as a outlaw naturally. Her black and white hair she had dyed black, she glared daggers at her sister. Most likely for getting her the part. Amona was a better dancer. But she got the part of the outlaw. Unless it was the bum wanted for vangrancy. The tabby took a seat at the Prospectors table.

Kid Munkus couldn't help but snicker, "I don't know about the heels, but something tells me I shoulda booked Telly Salvas to fill that hat...." That incited a snicker from the camera crews and the audience, Munkus looked directly at the camera, "Hey, if its written on the cue card I'm not gonna change it" The whole audience laughed.

Kid Munkus then acted the western bit and ambled over to the counter as Bustopher Jones, the Bartender started lining up the drinks. Munkus watched for a minute, "Yeah that's right bar tender, line them up there just like that," nine glasses, one of them a wafflecone 'glass' was set up in a V pattern, then filled with Vitamin D milk. Kid Munkus picked up the first one then looked at the camera "I told the prop boys I was worried about the drinking in this show but they said this was gonna take care of it" The audience snickered, Munkus raised the tiny shot glass to Jones before drinking saying simply "Cheers"

He then drank the first one, coughed slightly then drank the next two straight coughing a bit after both, the fourth one he missed his mug completely and soaked his cousin Amona clear in the face. With a snicker Munkus did it again this time getting her on the tail. The sixth cup Munkus missed his mouth and snorted the milk in through his nose.

Setting the cup on the counter he said to Bustopher "Mighty dry milk there" He then took the next two 'glasses of milk' which were really water and soaked his own mane with it, that felt good, hey it got hot up there on stage! The last one he picked up, raised in a toast, drank down, then took a bite out of, the sound effects crew had fun making the cruching glass effect every time Munkus moved his mouth.

[dodd4]

((Stubinz, Bomba, Teaser, Bustopher Jones))
while Bomba cooed over Munks drinking 'prowese' and Teazer looked slightly ill,
Stubinz cleaned up Amona, "donn fret now Ammonia, it'll come out! just donn lose tha temper a yurin!"
the stripped queen left Munk and aproached Kermit with a saucey sway,
"well hellooo green stuff! and what brings you to this one horse town?"
she purred.  " a horse. 'a horse' who wrote this scipt Fozzie?" Kermit said with a grimace. "well pretty lady I am looking for an outlaw named black bart!" he declared as Teazer curled close, "in the meantime do you have time to buy a girl a drink?" she asked traceing a claw along his cheek.
Bustopher poured a round and set on the bar. then he asked munk "do you have to do that?" he asked as he wiped the crumbs off of the bar top.

[Graymane]

Munkus kept his place at the bar, the female behind it relieved Jones for the moment, Redmane asked Kid Munkus the ultimate question, "Tell me, Why do you wear your watch out all the time ?" She asked him

"I didn't have it out" Munkus replied he took out his pocket watch {a solid gold rock!} "Ask me again" When Redmane started to do so Munkus cut her off, "I tell you, there ain't nothing like a well rehearsed joke... And this ain't nothing like a well rehearsed joke" He laughed, and turned back to Redmane, "What was that ?"

"I say, Why do you wear your watch out all the time ?" Redmane repeated

"Ya ready ? Well, when I left the main office, I was told to keep my watch out for the hijackers, whoever they are." Munkus replied, He knew it was a bad joke, but that was the point in arguing with the writer, the guy {Quaxo} was twice as big as he was!

Redmane was almost sorry to ask it but she said "Kid Munkus, I haven't seen you for six months now, what have you been doing ?"

Munkus cracked up "I'm pretty kooky but even I'm not gonna tell that joke!"

"Oh come on Munkus I have not seen you for six months what have you been doing ?" Redmane repeated herself.

Munkus looked towards the audience, "Here it comes folks." he turned back to Redmane "Ask me again"

"Ok" Redmane replied "I have not seen you for six months, what have you been doing ?"

"Six months" Munkus replied cracking up, the audience broke down in laughter. After a minute he calmed and said towards Bomba softly "Say, didn't they list Vincent Price on the guest stars list ? I thought he was dead ? And if he's dead, how did they get him from the grave ? The guys gotta be three meters under as it is!"

[dodd4]

"well the contracts wer'nt easy to negotiate I can assure you!" said a smooth cultered voice to a burst of applause from the audiance.
in the batwing saloon doors stood a tall slender man with slicked back hair and a thin waxed mustache dressed entirely in black from head to toe.
he wore a broad brimmed black stetson hat, a black silk shirt, a black leather vest, black pants, black boots, black gloves and a pair of hand tooled black gun belts. even the guns themselves were black.

Kermit turned and demanded "are YOU Back Bart?"
Vincent glanced down at himself and replied drolly, "well in this outfit I'm not Slim Whitman!"

"sorry Ducks!" Teazer said, and with a swish of her tail an impresive flash of leg she was GONE, across to and up and over the bar in a bound.
likwise Bomba suddenly found Stubinz and his table in the corner, well out of the line of fire, a lot more apealing and in the blink of an eye was across the barroom floor and  curled into the oldsters lap.
"ya know ah think ah'm beginin ta like this sketch!"
"just don't like it too much Buster!"

[Graymane]

"I take it we can't talk this over ?" Kid Munkus asked before two bullets sang over his head, he ducked, his hat remained in the air, the bullets went clean through where his head once was before he poked his head back up, caught his hat and ducked for cover. Amona on the other hand tipped her table over and took out her own pistol.

Kid Munkus swan dove for cover, clean out of the scene and direct into the writers {Quaxo's} lap, who then without a word, easily chucked him back onto the scene "I know my cue!" Munkus complained straightening his shirt and western vest before ducking as the bullets sang again. "These guys really need to learn a different key, This one is starting to get old" Munkus said as he ducked over to where Black Bar stood, both the frog and the man had a pair of empty guns in their hands. "Tell me stranger, where have I seen you before ?" Kid Munkus asked.

Redmane, behind the counter ducked the second she saw Black Bart. She'd seen him before, he'd even chased her stagecoach {how the guy could chase a 1971 Ford GT40 supercar and not get tired she never knew, or wanted to know for that matter} When Teazer landed ontop of her when she too dove for cover Redmane grumbled "All the Saloons in the world and he had to come into mine.... 'Teazer, you still got the key I gave you for safe keeping ?" Redmane had given the key to the Saloon's gun cabinet to Rumpleteazer to keep it safe, nobody would DARE to try and get it from the crazy tiger Queen.

[dodd4]

((Teazer Bustopher Bomba Stubinz))
Teazer slid off of Redmane as she squirmed and jiggeled.
"Bollocks", she mutterd. "oi got the key oi do but oi canna get at the bleeding thing, this bloody sausage caseing Vickie picked out fer me tis laced too tight!
just...a..mo.." then with a final gyration the key popped out and skidded across the floor.
"now Marshal Frog lets be reasonable, all of those shootings were in self defense"
Vincent said as he reloaded. "what about the man you shot in the back four times?" Kermit demaneded as he did the same.
"that wasn't my fault, it was his coat!" then Vincent shrugged at the camera, "it was reverseable."
 when Amona tipped the table Bomba did'nt object when Stubby carried her off out of the line of fire and into a dark back corner.
both Frog and Deadman turned and stared at the corner when out of the shadows of the corner a faint giggle and "my those ARE big!" was heared.
"now really I thought that this was a family show!" Vincent declared.
"WHAT ah was just showing her me Gold Nuggets!"

[Graymane]

Munkus cracked up "I told ya" He said to the studio audience, "There ain't nothing like a well rehearsed joke" the crowd joined him in laughter as he said "And that was NOTHIN' like a well rehearsed joke!" Munkus dove for cover once more as the gunfire continued.

Redmane raised an eyebrow at her sisters complaint, again ? "I think Vicky needs to get some studies in concerning the West don't you ? How in the world can you BREATHE in that thing ?" She mumbled. She was about to reach for the key when the thing skitters out of reach and into the open. Just their luck. "Thanks loads, Vicky" Redmane growled, she was about to duck out to grab t he key when a stray bullet happened to shatter the rum directly overhead and soak her in it. Redmane whistled.

Amona heard the whistle and looked to the offstage making a cutting motion across her neck, could they go to commerical yet ? Sadly the signal was 'two minute warning' Amona breathed out deeply then turned to the bar, shaking her head she held up two fingers, then flicked a throwing knife at the key in the dead center of the floor. unfortunately, when the knife hit the thing the key disappeared and the knife stuck deep into the floor.

It was then they cut to the News Room "Insomnia Night Theatre News Flash!" The voice over said as the Muppet Newsman appeared

"Late last friday two men got into a gun fight, four shots were fired, but one guy was dead with only two bullet holes seen in his coat. Apparently it was reversible." the Newsman had a weird look on his face before tossing the page aside. "In other news, A key has gone missing, this key is extremely important and worth a lot of money and bullets to the one that carries it, it was reported also that whomever carries the key, becomes then ext target of Black Bart..." A key dinked him off the side of his head at that exact moment.....

[dodd4]

((Coricopat Bomba Stubinz  Bustopher Teazer))
Teazer popped and said to Redmane "ya donn usualy see that happin.. oi supose
it twas a...key event?"

Kermit glanced over at the bar "I can't belive you said that!"
Teazer shrugged "oi didn't write it!"
Vincent and Kermit continued to bang away not hitting anything but scenery and props.

Busropher smoothed his waxed whiskers, "so Kid Munkus, this is the first one of these that I have been cast in how long do they usualy go on?"
Bombas sultry voice called from the corner, "for as long as it takes Darling!"

[Graymane]

In reply to Teazer Redmane just facepawed, there was no way whatsoever she could say anything to something that crooked!

Amona watched as stuff all around the place got destroyed, including some members of the studio audience! Kid Munkus had to shout to be heard over the gun fire while pointing where Bomba's voice came from. "What she said! Though I think the rating for this show went up by ten points from PG13 to NC17" He ducked back down again sitting next to his cousin Amona.

"Sometimes" the black and white tabby said softly "I honestly wonder what is going through our writers mind when she writes these things"

"Heh" Replied Munkus "I'd rather not know, its bad enough she's got Gridd traveling somewhere across the universe, At least as far as I know I still got the RV!"

"Yeah, but Misto's got the keys" Amona pointed out sticking out her tongue

"Its because I drink isn't it ?" Munkus said.

"I'm just happy that Misto is not hooked on the Irn Bru like you are" came the reply

"Hey! Don't knock the good stuff!" Munkus retorted, though he knew she was right, the last time Misto drank down half a bottle of Irn Bru his father Deuteronomy was turned into a kitten for a day, Munkus himself lost his voice for a full week and everyone had green fur which threw Tugger for a near complete total nervous breakdown. Though taking care of dad for a day was fun, but trying to get the green stuff out of his fur, not so much. Though he had to admit, playing the part of Harpo Marx was actually a lot of fun

[dodd4]

((Bomba Stubby and the rest))
Bomba sashayed  out of the shadows and stopped between the  gunfighters
and paused  poseing artfuly tickeling them both under the chin.
"now boys, since we've blown the rating on this puppy anyway," she said giving
her hourglass figure a shimmy, "why don't we  try a little music...."
a familiar bumping burlesque tune swelled and Bomba began to sway in time...
"The minute you walked in the joint
I could see you were a man of distinction
A real big spender
Good looking, so refined
Say wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind?"
 the scarlet queen gyrated  and swept around the Frog and the Deadman....

So let me get right to the point
I don't pop my cork for every guy I see
Hey, big spender!
spend a little time with me

she did a slow spin rubbing first against one then the other
the moved back doing a series of kick steps...
Do you wanna have fun?
How's about a few laughs?
I can show you a good time.
Do you wanna have fun, fun, fun...?
How's about a few laughs, lauhgs, laughs...?
I can show you a good time, good time.
Fun, Laughs, Goodtime!
What do you say to (how's abouta) laughs?
I can give you some (are you ready for some) fun?
How would you like a (I can show you a) good time

she tickeled Kermit under the chin...
Hey big spender!
Hey big spender!
she stroked Vincents cheek...

The minute you walked in the joint
I could see you were a man of distinction
A real big spender
Good looking, so refined
Say wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind?
once again she kickstepped away and turned with a wiggle...
So let me get right to the point
I don't pop my cork for every guy I see
Hey, big spender!
Hey, big spender!
Hey, big spender!
Spend a little time with me

Fun, laughs, good time
Fun, laughs, good time
Fun. laughs, good time
now if you still want to keep fighting, well go ahead or you can join me upstairs..." she purred. as the scarlet queen passed Redmane she ran a paw along the hourglass of her tightly laced costume, "and Red hun it all about
breath control..." she said with a wink the she went up the stairs.

[Graymane]

Kid Munkus poked his eyes up to see if the coast was clear, got an eyefull of Bomba's tail as she left and then snickered hearing the tune play itself out. The snicker nearly went to full on laughter as he said while shaking his head. "Well boy, with a song and dance number like tha,t the rating for this show sure took a dive into the Hudson off the Empire State Building!" The studio audience laughed as the curtant closed, for the moment as they cut to commerical.

"Take five everybody!" Called out a stagecat, part of the crew, in fact, the director, was an older silverfurred tom, Frostfur sat behind the main camera unit. Quaxo stood nearby to the silverfurred tom. Chromechaser was on Camera A and currently that was stuck somewhere up in the outer atmosphere at the moment. Frostfur was also Munkus' elder brother by about two decaedes or so and had a crapload of experience in the movies and TV shows.

Take Five normally meant one thing to Redmane "CATNIP BREAK!!" Without missing a bit she produced two shotglasses and poured a pair of shots of Catnip Spiced Rum {also known as Old Killer Rumbago with Tugger in a bad priate outfit on the front} for herself and offered the other to Teazer.

[dodd4]

((Teazer and the rest))
the pretty yong tiger queen gratefuly took the glass, then she turned and gave
Bustopher a hopeful doe eyed look, "oi donn think tha Vimmy'd mind if ya lent a paw an loosened me laces just a bit!" she said.
the grandly proportioned tuxedo tom nodded and stepped up behind her.
Teazer leaned forward on the bar arching her shapely hourglass frame to give him better acces.
"certinly my dear, " he said as his fingers flew deftly up her back.
Teazer sighed happily, "whooo thats aces!" then she gave Bustopher a coy look and a playful swat, "say your good at that aint ya?" she teased. then she knocked back
the shot of Cat Nip Spiced Rum.
Stubinz got up and headed for the stairs "well ifin noone else tis gonna join her..."

[Graymane]

Watching Stubinz leave the stage going up stars Kid Muckus snickered and said "Well, there went the rating" Even though they were off the air the audience roared with laugher as a dance number started up, with the normal pratfalls and screwups throughout.

After a good five minutes or so of commericals the production crew called out some numbers "We're on the air in five...., four....."

"Places!" Kid Muckus called out, "Someone feed Redmane coffee gounds please, preferablly minus the mud, she and Teaz are on next!!"

The countdown continued "three,... two.... one.... " Frostfur pointed towards Chromechaser on Camera three as the clapping began once more as the curtian came up and found Redmane slam drunk flat on the floor with five toms and two queens trying to wake her up. Why they needed five toms when only one Queen could do it might be because she was built pretty much like a cement truck in the first place. With the curtian up the stagehands figured 'to skat with it!' and threw a rug over her, to which it became rather lumpy and they disappeared off stage. Redmane's drunken babbling could be heard under the rug

[dodd4]

((Teazer and the rest))
the lithe young tiger queen gamely began to dance around the lump in the carpet, cartwheeling over the drunken queen, shimmying and shaking.
MEANWHIE BACKSTAGE.....
as Teazer made an impromptue dance solo out of a duet the Jellicles went to the backstage area to get ready for the next skit. Bustopher and Stubby were trying to make sense of the scripts while Bomba checked out her wadrobe, she smirked and sayshayed into the changing area.
the old tom glanced at the grandly proportioned tom, "so what are wer about next?" he asked.
"Oh its just SUPER!" Bombas sultry voice said in a breathless purr.
the scarlet queen posed with her paws on hips, her figure was sucked into an almost imposible hourglass by a merry widow corsette body suit of red gold and royal blue. her shapely legs were made even longer by high heeled boots, her mane was swept back behind a golden headpiece, and matching bracers covered her slender wrists.
"an just who ya suposed ta be ?" Stubinz stammered.
Bomba arched her back thrusting the impressive curves of her chest forward as she took a deep breath and proudly declared " I'm Whatta Kitty!"
the old toms eyes bugged and his jaw dropped as Stubinz clutched his chest,
"be careful with those thigs Lass the're bloody dangerous!"
the scarlet queen gave a light laugh, "so who are you?"
Bustopher cougghed burying his nose in the script, "ahem, it seems that I am a Comisoner Gorton and Stubinz here is a Chief O'Hare," then he looked up so who are you supossed to be Munk?"

[Graymane]

Munkus could have said something, anything, but sadly when Bomba posed his jaw hit the floor and his heart hammered in his throat for a good five minutes before he was tapped, well more like outright hammered in the back to thinking properly by a massive white hand that belonged to Quaxo. "I should be on the last train out of town yesterday." Munkus mumbled before getting his script and name "Nope, still Kid Munkus. Gee, I like the part though, loads of fun" He said

He read through it some more "Says here I'm supposed to aid you two quacks ... err. doctors or whatever you are, I think Pounce slept on my script again... Anywho. Atert is in here too I see...."

"Stuff it silver!" Came the somewhat sullen retort from the black and white tabby. The curtain had dropped and she was dragging a tangled up rug with drunken babbling coming from in it. "I should have warned her that what she drank was not the Rumbago Catnip. but pure straight AEA Catnip. I'm surprised though, that stuff is strong enough to knock out a snow leopard. And yet no affect on Teazer whatsoever, good solo performance on the fly though." Atert had to admit that much. Teaz knew when to impovise alright.

"ewsfervdsfessdsdfge" Came from the rug as Redmane was dragged not so gracefully across droorframes, some cracks in the stage floor, the trap door in the stage floor, to which the rug got noticably lighter and Redmanes drunken babbling got suddenly quieter. "frvresdddddd......... *THUD* dushbadafrerv..."

"Poor girl can't hold her 'nip.... hey where'd she go ? Apparently Atert was not paying attention to where she was dragging Redmane's limp body.

Munkus tried not to smile as the camera came up backstage. Only to stop as the cameraman, Chromechaser, had a stroke at the sight of Bomba. "I think we're going to cut to Camera A now." Munkus said as the record light went dark. As soon as the record light turned off Munkus yelled "MEDIC Backstage, medic backstage, cameraman down, crewman down I repeat!...." Unfortunately the microphone still recorded it.

The two on stage. both of them part of the crew originally traded looks, saw they were on camera, and in ah eartbeat had sports announcers outfits on and were reading the sports scores along with the chances of Stubinz, BJ and Munkus' survival with Bomba in the next scene, bets were being booked at that time as well.